Saturday, 1 February 2014

I Love Grandmothers

I love grandmothers.

There I said it finally got it off my chest and out in the open.

My own grandmothers are weird but strangely awesome.

At the ripe old age of 85 my very own grandmother went out with a 35 year old scam artist from Kosovo She believed the heart wrenching story of his sick child and gave him money for surgery. Thankfully his poor little angel made a full recovery. Well this guy had a big family and some of the unluckiest kids ever. Within the next few years his kids had fallen from trees, been hit by car, and developed terminal illnesses all of course verified by official doctors letters from Kosovo which no one could read but did have a very official looking signature on. Of course my kind old Nan paid for it all until she had saved half the population of Kosovo and run out of money. Strangely at this point the man left deciding that it wasn't working anymore. What a coincidence! Still I'm glad my future inheritance saved the lives of so many unfortunates.....

My other grandmother is terrified of young men after an incident with a nephew on the other side of my family and refuses to see me because of it. I cant complain though because when my sister was visiting and showing her their wedding photos she saw me, exclaimed "hasn't he turned into a handsome young man" and promptly wrote me a cheque for a substantial amount.

Still grandmothers are cute, cuddly, nattering, cake baking, tea making machines so its impossible not to love them even if they are a bit strange sometimes.

In Russia grandmothers are called Babushkas and they are horrible. They are loud, obnoxious, snorting, farting control freaks that seem to hate everyone. I don't know why they are so evil, maybe because they grew up in communism or perhaps because they've had to deal with vodka drinking Russian men all their lives.

Sashas grandmother who comes around sometimes is the worst of a bad bunch. You'll know shes coming before you see her from the ground shaking and the assortment of snorts and weezing as she chugs along. Then she comes into view and you wonder for a second whether cave trolls do really exist. She makes it her business to annoy and disrupt everyone....

Yesterday me and Sasha were watching Shrek because he had finished homework early when she came in. TV immediately went off and she force fed him some of her horrible, tasteless soup.

When I was putting him to bed he seemed upset so I asked him what was wrong?

"We were having such a chillaxed time till that fat old thing rolled in."

Couldn't have said it better myself. I still love grandmothers but I hate babushkas.

Thursday, 30 January 2014

Working For Russias Elite

Some days I look back on my life and try to figure out how the hell I got here. From an Amish kid without a high school education to working as a professional  tutor and sports coach for some of the richest families in Russia. It shows that you can do anything if you put your mind to it.

I live on the outskirts of Moscow in a luxury village of about five houses surrounded by high fences, cameras, and security guards. My job is to be a mentor, friend, sports coach, and tutor a 7 year old boy called Sasha. He is such a great kid and we have grown very close in the 4 months I've been here it will be really difficult when I leave because I feel like he is a little brother to me.

His parents are horrible people though and pretty hard to work for. They treat their staff like shit especially the Russians shouting at them if they make a small mistake and treating them like dogs. Its been difficult for me as well because the dad is jealous of how much Sasha likes me. He constantly showers him with gifts to try and win his affections when all the kid wants is his love and time. A few weeks ago Sasha told me that he wished I was his dad which breaks my heart. I wish I could adopt him and take him out of this situation. Its amazing to see how people can seemingly have everything and still be so miserable. Whoever said the most important things in life are free was right.

Although it can be tough the job does have some perks.....

  • Free flights and visa assistance
  • Flying private jet and staying with the family at some of the best places in the world. We went to Miami for Xmas and New Years and are off to Switzerland skiing in February. 
  • Apartment provided and food prepared by a private chef. 
  • $6500 - $7000 a month tax free baby!
The biggest perk is being able to do something I love (coaching sports) with such a great kid. He isn't naturally very sporty, when I first arrived he could hardly kick or catch a ball but he has made alot of progress and tries hard which makes me proud.

The hardest part for me out here is it can get kinda lonely and boring out here as theres not much to do here and it takes a while to get into Moscow but I have some great friends that I always go see on my days off and there are some English nannies around here who are great company as well.

Starting a 60 day workout called insanity today which requires no weights but is supposed to be pretty difficult so time to go take a before shot. Hope your all having a great day and thanks for reading.


Hi my names Greg and I’m a homo sapien just like you and 6 Billion + others. I have hopes, dreams, and fears. I am goofy, annoying and a little pessimistic. Funny, fantastic and charming. I love Heinz ketchup but find the little packets you get in Mc Donalds annoyingly hard to open because I chew my nails to much and my hands get greasy from the fries (note to self: open before the fries.)

To explain to you who I am today we have to first go back in time………..ZIIIING

Ten years ago I was a 16 year old Amish high school dropout working for free 50 hours a week. I didn’t have access to a computer or TV. All I had was a desire to make something of myself but with no idea of how to do it.

I remember getting up at 5AM every morning to collect trash from our neighbors houses hauling it around in a garden way before working as a grunt on a building site for 10 hours a day in the freezing cold of upstate New York. I got yelled at every day and told I’d never amount to anything.

Since then I’ve been to university, played as a semi professional footballer, and worked for stupidly rich people in Kazakhstan and Russia as a private tutor/ sports coach. Not to mention working online as a cam model, picking asparagus for a euro an hour in Germany, and setting up my own online affiliate business.

I’ve lived in Thailand, Spain, Russia, Kazakhstan, Germany, Mexico, England, and been to countless others. I love adventure, opportunity, exploring, and most of all freedom. Freedom to be and do what I want.

When I was an boy I made myself a promise that I would live life to the fullest wherever it took me. Its a promise I intend to keep.