Saturday, 1 February 2014

I Love Grandmothers

I love grandmothers.

There I said it finally got it off my chest and out in the open.

My own grandmothers are weird but strangely awesome.

At the ripe old age of 85 my very own grandmother went out with a 35 year old scam artist from Kosovo She believed the heart wrenching story of his sick child and gave him money for surgery. Thankfully his poor little angel made a full recovery. Well this guy had a big family and some of the unluckiest kids ever. Within the next few years his kids had fallen from trees, been hit by car, and developed terminal illnesses all of course verified by official doctors letters from Kosovo which no one could read but did have a very official looking signature on. Of course my kind old Nan paid for it all until she had saved half the population of Kosovo and run out of money. Strangely at this point the man left deciding that it wasn't working anymore. What a coincidence! Still I'm glad my future inheritance saved the lives of so many unfortunates.....

My other grandmother is terrified of young men after an incident with a nephew on the other side of my family and refuses to see me because of it. I cant complain though because when my sister was visiting and showing her their wedding photos she saw me, exclaimed "hasn't he turned into a handsome young man" and promptly wrote me a cheque for a substantial amount.

Still grandmothers are cute, cuddly, nattering, cake baking, tea making machines so its impossible not to love them even if they are a bit strange sometimes.

In Russia grandmothers are called Babushkas and they are horrible. They are loud, obnoxious, snorting, farting control freaks that seem to hate everyone. I don't know why they are so evil, maybe because they grew up in communism or perhaps because they've had to deal with vodka drinking Russian men all their lives.

Sashas grandmother who comes around sometimes is the worst of a bad bunch. You'll know shes coming before you see her from the ground shaking and the assortment of snorts and weezing as she chugs along. Then she comes into view and you wonder for a second whether cave trolls do really exist. She makes it her business to annoy and disrupt everyone....

Yesterday me and Sasha were watching Shrek because he had finished homework early when she came in. TV immediately went off and she force fed him some of her horrible, tasteless soup.

When I was putting him to bed he seemed upset so I asked him what was wrong?

"We were having such a chillaxed time till that fat old thing rolled in."

Couldn't have said it better myself. I still love grandmothers but I hate babushkas.

No comments:

Post a Comment